Learning & Growing

and other important things that sometimes make me want to puke

Insert whatever stereotypical Gen X thing here

Dear Readers,

Last year I did an experiment where I tried to be more open about my writing process but also I feel like it was easier for me because last year my writing was going WELL. I can’t even say that’s because it was BETTER.

One of the weirdest things for me about writing is that I have had drafts feel awful until I read them later and they are full of joy and wisdom and jokes and all the things I strive for in my work. Sometimes writing is easy and fast-going and then you have to make like twenty-seven-hundred edits later (if my friend Jasmine is reading this she is already protesting that I never make twenty-seven-hundred edits but sometimes I do!).

Anyway, I am not writing right now. Which is fine and good! I just turned in Out in Hollywood/Preposition Her Noun #4, and have some breathing room before it goes into copyedits. I did the semi-barfy thing where I asked people I admire to read it and say nice things. I cannot say this part doesn’t get easier—simply, it does. But that doesn’t make it EASY. I actually kind of like blurbing and thinking of people who might like it and whose names would make sense on the book, but when social media is full of people like “STOP THE TORTURE I CAN’T DO MY WORK I CAN’T BLURB ANY MORE” I feel like a real jerk popping up into people’s inboxes and of course always give like forty-two “no pressure!” disclaimers. (A typical email from me is thirty percent “NO PRESH”, fifty percent exclamation points, and twenty percent content.)

I was thinking about how learning and growing and improving and facing up with your shortcomings to hopefully become a more self-evolved person involves a lot of vulnerability and I HATE vulnerability and think it is gross in me only, in other people it’s admirable. I want to be tough enough to punch a wall and pick up a car off of a trapped kitten and save all of you from whatever misfortune is coming our way.*